11:39 AM

Dear Hilary,

On thursday you accused the forces of Libyan leader Moamer Qaddafi  of using rape and violence against women as “tools of war.” "It is an affront to all people who are yearning to live in a society free from violence with respect for basic human rights. We urge all governments to conduct immediate, transparent investigations into these allegations, and to hold accountable those found responsible.”

Now I am not denying the possibility of this actually being true. However my problem lies with your blatant audacity with which you adopt this self-righteous tone. I am sitting there, wondering if you actually expect anyone to buy this crap.

Why don't you start by showing the world exactly what was going on in Abu Ghraib? Why dont you give the world some transparency and tell us what exactly has been done to un do those crimes, which your government has even admitted to? Lead by example?

Fuck you, seriously!

12:11 AM

true me?

"Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth." – Oscar Wilde

How much of me have I lost trying to be all that is me, I have often wondered. What if for a period I could just be me without any pressure of being what I am supposed to be me? For a day, living life without having to worry about being a wife, a daughter, a friend, a citizen. Sheer anonymity, sounds like a fairy tale really when one’s entire life has been spent in Islamabad.
Would I still walk the walk and talk the talk that I have been walking and talking for the past 27 years? Why is there such a strong need to constantly fib and lie about our true selves constantly. Is the compromise worth it? Who started it anyway?
Do you ever ponder over this?

10:12 AM


Today I was asked to list down my roles in the general scheme of life. For no apparant reason I did so in an order of priority. Without a thought it came to "Daughter, Sister, Cousin, Wife, Friends, Employee"...and then for some strange reason I remembered my last nights conversation with my mother. She wasn't happy. Her complain was the one I have been listening to pretty much everytime I go over to my 'rents. "You dont spend anytime with us". The day before my mother's elder sister, who I also refer to as mama had called complaining about the same thing. I thought of my mother's eldest sister, whose also in town from UK. I hadn't called her in some time too. Sara, my baby sister, who if I refer to as my life, I wouldn't  be too far from the truth, had asked me to come over in the morning. I got there at 9 in the night. Hashim, my cousin, my brother, my pride never asks anything of me. I never give him anything. Irfan, my husband has given me way more than I ever expected from life; A perfect home, the feeling of being loved and respected, a shoulder to cry on and the kind of love, fairytales are made of. I dont think I have been able to give back even half of it. I thought of all these relationships in my life and what a fail I had been at each one of them. Of all the failures in life the realization of this one has to be the hardest.

So today I made some resolutions and promised myself to not forget my priorities. I am writing this note as a reminder to hpw shitty I feel right now. Its my three cheers to priorities and living life the way I thought ideal as a 21 year old.

Anyone else wanna join the resolution-to-be-a-better-person brigade?