There is a demographic in this country, quite sizable, which respects women judging on the length of their shirts and shalwars, the volume of their voice, the swing (or lack) off their saunter, the number of times they make eye contact and smile during a certain conversation. In other words a good girl wears long shirts, long shalwars (okay thanks to the latest trends even the bad ones are doing that now a days but you know what I mean...), keeps her voice low, her walk straight, with minimum ass-swinging and keeps a poker face while talking to the opposite gender.

Now there is another relatively smaller, yet still big enough demographic in this country which is scared off the above mentioned demographic and hence enforces the same limitations on the women around them. The philosophy behind every rule, every limit is the "log kia kahain gay" (translation: what will people say).

By all this I do not mean to say that every woman who chooses any of the above mentioned are all forced into it. Many choose it themselves. However there are women who choose to not care as well. Women like me.

I wear what I want to, and I very strongly believe that I have that right. With that I choose to not care how people preceive me. I do understand the pros and cons of donning a tee-shirt with jeans and venturing into the big bad world. I know its not a simple choice yet knowing that there are people out there judging me, I still do that. I think whatever respect which comes my way, should be there for who I am. For the way I conduct myself around different people. It shouldnt be dependant on the length of my sleeves and my shirts. I find that to be a tad bit pathetic and very troglodytish. I know that some might find that I dress provocatively, some think its not graceful or lady like, some might think its slutty. I know being a working woman you need to tread more cautiously.I know that when I get pissed off by some staring idiot I will be told that it is my fault. Being the belle of the office has a major downside, and that's how you are looked at when you wear skinny's to work but like I said; I wear what I want to and I believe that its not the people around me who should be dictating it.

I wonder where in evolution did the human race fuck up so bad that we got stuck with such biases. How a simple thing like dress-code became such an integral part of a human being's societal perception. From roaming around naked to this?.. How and When?

Observations from the other side..

For the women of my generation getting married isn't as easy as it was for generations before. On a mass level , we are the first generation of women to feel something of that sweet thing called "independance", especially for the women of the socio-economic class I belong to. We got ourselves fancy degrees and yummy pay cheques. We go shopping on our own, a lot of us drive or have a chauffeur-driven car at our disposal. We wear what we want to, eat/sleep/poo when we want to and meet whoever we want to. Yes, living in the kind of society that we do there are restrictions and curfews but we still have been able to do so-much-more than our mothers. So this all means that the opportunity cost attached to "getting married" is much higher than it was for them.

Hence you see a lot of women being wary of the institute. Also the pressure to get married makes it even less likable. Also there are enough examples out there to scare you away from the whole deal. You will meet a lot of people who will tell you how hard being married is and how much they had to sacrifice. There are a lot of stories about scary in-laws who make your life miserable. This all has lead to some very strong stereotypes which have developed about marriage. I totally understand where they come from however i feel given the educated and liberal background most of us belong to, we should be able to see through them or understand how they might not be relevant to everyone.

It is not even funny the amount of taunts and off-colored jokes one gets to hear once they get married. For instance eeeevery time I wear Shalwar-Qameez it has to be a topic of conversation. If I am in a good mood, that absolutely has to do with the fact that i was having sex last night. There must be something wrong with my shadi if I am heading out somewhere alone. If either me or my husband are in a bad mood, it must be cause we are having troubles. Friends should not call me since I am now married. Also just like how it is considered rude to comment on fat people but its considered alright to comment on the skinny ones, people think that its not polite to say anything to the ones who are not married about their single status however its perfectly fine to make under-handed comments about those who are married.

Then there is this another kind of comments which I don't even know what to say to. People ask you:"So how's newly married life? Is your husband nice? Are your in-laws treating you well?" and so I say:"I'm good and yeah he's great ...and my In-laws are awesome". I think the appropriate response to this would be a simple "That's nice. Hope everything stays that way forever" or something along those lines.. guess what I get 95% of the times; "abhi shoru shoru kay din hain. Aik do maheenay guzar jain, phir pochain gay" (Translation: Its the beginning so that's why, wait a few months and you will see them in their true colors)

I do not understand the cynicism about shadi especially considering how much pressure there is on the ones who are single. I do not see why women who choose to not get married at the "right age" have such bitter comments about those who chose to do otherwise.

I mean is this what things have come down to? That the concept of being-happily-married is too-good-to-be-true?

...and don't even get me started on what happens when you discuss the prospect of wanting a child!

shadi - marriage

People ask: "How's newly married life treating you?"

I say: what married life, there is only "Work life".
Such is the life of a corporate slave. Sigh.Sigh.Sigh