Baba, Annie Misses you

I go on facebook everyday and I end up doing the same thing. Reading all the condolences that were written to me, on baba's death. One month after, they are still trickling in. Some wrote to show they cared, even if they didnt understand. Some wrote cause they had gone through the same. Some wrote cause calling was harder.

I know what to say when someone is in a similar situation. Yes, it doesnt come easily but I can still somehow drag my feet through it. But I dont know what to say back, when I am at the receiving end. "Thanks" would be awkward. "God's will, what can I say or do" would be truely reflective of the situation but not of how I feel. I'm not quite there yet. I'm still trying to understand how it happened.

I was in the 4th grade, when I had a dream that he had died. Its amazing how clearly I remember it. I remember that his face at that time didnt carry a beard and his hair were darker. So I'm glad that this time I saw an older face. A face which had seen and experienced so much more than what it had at that time. But why do I feel like there was more for it. I used to celebrate the fact that my kids would have an awesome grand father, having not liked mine all my life. How will they learn that grace and that dignity. Who will teach them to hold their head up high no matter what. I can't. I have walked some roads with my head hanging low. Grace is not me more than it is me. Dignity I have tried to hold on to tight but my grip has been loose on it on a few occasions. but Baba. Never.

That time that I had that dream, I woke up and I was relieved that it was just a dream and up I was to school. I had the same dream another time and when I woke up I didn't really remember anything about it other than the fact that I had seen him dying. Even though I was in Thailand on my honeymoon, there was no relief to follow. By the time it was evening I was sitting in my hotel room, crying out loud, freaking my newly acquired husband to no end.

But I knew it. That it was gonna happen. I'm not superstitious or psychic but that feeling I just couldnt shake off. So in a way there is some consolation that I got to cuddle up with him more than I would have otherwise. I told him how much I loved him, a million times after I got back and before he expired. I got to see him smile and nod at me and do all the little baba-things he used to do, in that special way that made me feel so loved and taken care of for 26 years of my life. So I guess, I should find my peace sometime soon. Also if nothing else works I can find solace in knowing that I was a special one, cause I shared my birthday with him.

But whatever happens, needless to say there are still tears which are gonna be shed, sad laughs, laughed like the way us siblings do when we are reminiscing about him and loads of birthday candles blown wishing he was there.

If the floods were World War 2...

...the Ahmadiyyah community would be our Jews and our Government would be the third reich!

Discrimination of this sort needs to be put on hold, if not forever, atleast for times like the ones we are facing. So do your bit for this. Share the link on your facebook, talk to your friends about it, forward to your contacts. The Ahmadiyyah Community can not openly speak up about their right in fear of legal action taken against them thanks to the Blasphamy Laws. So you do your part!

Rain, Your favorite song and the obvious followup post

Hey…

Its cloudy and I m listening to one of your favorite bands. It’s not like I put an effort in picking it up. Windows Media Player on shuffle does that to you…and now the song is there, in my ears, seeping through me, reaching crooks and crannies I had forgotten about.

And again I’m thinking the same thing. Do I ever cross your mind? Is it good, what you remember me by? Did I ever matter to you? Did you tell your new girl friend about me? Did you tell her how whiny I used to be? What label did you put on me? Does she know about me being Zunair Khan? Does she know at one point you were my best friend but never the other way around.

…And yes, I think of you and hope you are good… I’m happy, married to someone who makes me so very happy and plain content. Who cuddles me to sleep, even though he's a strict non-cuddler.

But Just so that you know, if you think the same, I do wonder about you and hope that you are healthy and happy and more at peace with yourself and your surroundings then you were before... and more than anything, I miss the one-sided bestfriendshipness.

Obsessively me!

I want to start painting very soon.

I plan to quit smoking, "No.Matter.What" by the last 2010 quarter.

I want to get myself a great bag and a great pair of sunglasses very soon.

I plan on doing one small thing at a time and start furnishing my lounge now.

I will read more and write more. I will. Even if i have nothing to say really, i'll still say it.

I will be more efficient at work, simply the best sort. 

Profile Pictures.

There are so many. Facebook, Twitter, Orkut, Windows Live, Gtalk, Linkedin....

ah or akh-thu?

..updating ones which only my friends would be viewing (facebook, Windows Live) doesn't require much thinking ... They range from whatever the pretty posey ones, from weddings and birthdays to the crazy random ones taken here and there .. I am not concious about those at all. I have had some down-right fugly ones.. 

....but when it comes to putting one up on a public platform like Linkedin or here its funny what a project and a half it can be. Its always one of the fake ones, with a toothy smile. I always wonder what a third person, who has never met me, never seen me thinks of it. When they see it, do they see "me". Do they think I am plastic or do they think I have kind eyes. Do they think I am cross-eyed...

So I am putting it out there, what do you see random-reader-darling?..  

I know how this can be a classic case of "Aa bail, mujhay maar" ... but nevermind.

Facebook Ban in Pakistan Over "Draw Muhammad Day"...

...and I think it is stupid.

The Draw Muhammad Day is an event on facebook which invites enteries, asking people to draw their idea of what the prophet stands for, simply put. Islam happens to prohibit drawing pictures of Humans, and hence in general everyday life people  show their affection and pay respect to their prophet using calligraphy rather than portraits. However "prohibted" these drawings be, I want to know, is the hysteria that it causes accordingly justified?..

a bit of background:

"Everybody Draw Mohammed Day!" began last month as the brainchild of a Seattle-based cartoonist named Molly Norris, who was appalled by Comedy Central's decision to censor an episode of "South Park" that depicted Muhammad in a bear costume.


As a way to protest the network's decision -- which came after an Islamic extremist website warned of retaliation against the show's creators, Matt Stone and Trey Parker -- Norris created a poster with likenesses of Muhammad as a domino, a teacup and a box of pasta.


She declared May 20 "Everybody Draw Mohammed Day!" -- and her efforts quickly went viral, spawning several Facebook pages with thousands of followers dedicated to the event.


They also prompted a "protest" movement by thousands of other Facebook users opposed to it.

Now for some people everything is Kosher; We know that Matt Stone and Trey Parker are that sort. I believe they have the right to be like that. Makes them insensitive, yes. Does it justify crucifixion of these two? Should they be burnt alive? I'll say no.

Its things like these, the reactions so extreme (remember killings of innocents, banning of Danish products) that make people perceive Muhammad to be an angry arab with a turban, probably with a suicide bomb hidden in it. Isnt the caricature that we are drawing in the minds of so many nations and peoples, not blasphamous? Isn't that an insult to your believes? a contradiction?

Also what does the governement plan to achieve from this ban? Have they not heard of proxy sites? Have they never been on the internet? What about freedom of expression? What about my right to choose whether I want to leave facebook for this one event or not? Shouldn't it be my call? Can we not do something more substantial towards building a better image of the Prophet and its followers than this?

There is a demographic in this country, quite sizable, which respects women judging on the length of their shirts and shalwars, the volume of their voice, the swing (or lack) off their saunter, the number of times they make eye contact and smile during a certain conversation. In other words a good girl wears long shirts, long shalwars (okay thanks to the latest trends even the bad ones are doing that now a days but you know what I mean...), keeps her voice low, her walk straight, with minimum ass-swinging and keeps a poker face while talking to the opposite gender.

Now there is another relatively smaller, yet still big enough demographic in this country which is scared off the above mentioned demographic and hence enforces the same limitations on the women around them. The philosophy behind every rule, every limit is the "log kia kahain gay" (translation: what will people say).

By all this I do not mean to say that every woman who chooses any of the above mentioned are all forced into it. Many choose it themselves. However there are women who choose to not care as well. Women like me.

I wear what I want to, and I very strongly believe that I have that right. With that I choose to not care how people preceive me. I do understand the pros and cons of donning a tee-shirt with jeans and venturing into the big bad world. I know its not a simple choice yet knowing that there are people out there judging me, I still do that. I think whatever respect which comes my way, should be there for who I am. For the way I conduct myself around different people. It shouldnt be dependant on the length of my sleeves and my shirts. I find that to be a tad bit pathetic and very troglodytish. I know that some might find that I dress provocatively, some think its not graceful or lady like, some might think its slutty. I know being a working woman you need to tread more cautiously.I know that when I get pissed off by some staring idiot I will be told that it is my fault. Being the belle of the office has a major downside, and that's how you are looked at when you wear skinny's to work but like I said; I wear what I want to and I believe that its not the people around me who should be dictating it.

I wonder where in evolution did the human race fuck up so bad that we got stuck with such biases. How a simple thing like dress-code became such an integral part of a human being's societal perception. From roaming around naked to this?.. How and When?